HALF SUGAR [ - half wolf ] "Wolves Like Candy" by Neophyte Emeritus of Lyric Wolfram Winterfuhr, that high risk animal waste. Maladies pleasant to the discomfort of heart decomposed during those times I was dancing through the darkness with danger and eventually expiated in June 30th of 1008. Surely I am repeating myself enough? This opuscule just a corpuscule and nothing to remember. Even I meself think I've written much less shoddy words in the past. "Voltaire's Heartpoems" remotely inspired by something more popular than this. A free protagonist place for hire, but only for those who are willing to die. Mind the criteria. Kaikesta huolimatta: Hassua, etten kykene nolotukseltani lukemaan läheskään kaikkea taannoin kirjoittamaani, mutta silti vaan jatkan. "I wonder just how funny it's going to get this time". As my beloved looked for fear So she discovered I'm afraid that I'm still here And so is my beloved AnPNU, 1008 > One: From Nemesis to Emesis nitrazepam (trade name: mogadon), 5 mg (semi-lowest) act of neophytism; first experiment ever after 25 minutes i start to think that this appreciated benzodiazepine is kicking in after 45 minutes i feel cosy, placid and drowsy. i even laugh a little silently just because i feel so good compared to everything sobriety or to being ordinarily drunk or high. yet i feel very sad, as always. and i strongly wanted to die. not strongly enough; first, earnestly... where is she? my adversary, my partner in overdosage oh crap i smile with watery eyes (why) still after 60 minutes i have not really stopped at least i don't have to be ashamed, no one knows i leave Additional notes: The grey wolves surround me, every single one of them looking grim and ready to frag. So. They found me. Again. But this time it's different. It WILL be different. They won't hurt me like they did before, they won't rape me, they won't avenge what I did to one of their own the last time. Still, to make the contrast even clearer, I feel like a mere cat. And then two wolves in front of me reveal that they're armed with metal pipes. It took me at least a couple of hours to get sleep, but it didn't matter - I felt sedated and did not even feel like vomiting. Not because of the drug. You should know why. It doesn't... (...by me own...) pww. Glued glass tigress or just glued tigress. (paw.) Two: From Satanism to Atavism nitrazepam, 10 mg (highest official dosage) twenty-five minutes and i feel that somemething tickling's happening, but the expression on my face does not change. thirty-five and background music starts to sound deeper and prettier. yet i look and feel crestfallen. the april birches look one with the grey sky and though i like the grey weather lots, i miss the colours of the summer rain. forty minutes and i notice i'm smiling a bit. scary? i feel suicidal and i smile. a bit, for a while. it won't/didn't last. i'm starting to feel real tired and that feeling is good (which makes me scarcely smile again). forty-two minutes only. fifty. this is it? soon: sleep. i would love sleep. yes, at least i feel comfortably sleepy. fifty-three. very brief are my little joys. music at least still sounds deeper. seventy minutes and off Additional notes: Schedule IV drugs... Wish I could get I or at least II. That's what they fed me, I believe it was dihydromorphine. Those devil-worshippers, sure it was entertaining, but I guess not very, eh, safe. Blueberried nights in their grime. I was retaught some very old, atavistic fears, and then made me love the fright. And damn, I loved. I loved having the dread of my life. Three: I liked your ears when they hung low This, you-who-might-think-it's-you, is not Proper nightmares with vanilla-valium And some death list literature Or lycanthropomorphine I wonder Why can't you be my wolf girl? A deuteragonist in agony I'd die a little for you Draft paintings of Nothing In our covent garden No wonder Would I be your coffinmaker Perhaps in Calw During gloomier centuries We were ravenous! But here, sad wolf girl No wonders... My vermilion painter And a mountain hideaway Fuglafjaršar Havn Or whatever afterplay Synthetic sweet ultramarine I could just arrest you And still, Everything's just the way it's gonna be... MABl, 1008 > I miss her... her who was never mine, but for whom I fell, never mind how, who I never should kiss like I miss right now (collage for the lollage) Awakened with strangers that I never knew From now on I'd paint red just out of the blue Put sleep unto her with familiar face All soaked and those wolf eyes so filled up with craze Was I a sad artist, like her, I'd be glad Like her, a sad stranger to her and so mad So madly in love if only I could paint If I was her painter with paint from her drained Though mostly so dark and her woe betidings If I was Neon, I'd paint only black Four: Voltaire's Heartpoems Animal alien races with familiar faces Coming not here Coming not to take me away Dragon lovers vanishing without traces Coming just to dig up Unknown freemason grave Glass as it appears filled with wolf tears But no expression No learnt lesson Someone-not-me, he has the art and engineers While I stay silent I make no confession Hypnagogic love down, some heart poem I would drown In that teardrop glass If I could just pass Bewinged creature in familiar asylum gown She'd take me away Like taking out the trash I wonder if she knew me or looked right through me She'd slog her shawl And the glass would fall I now know her well enough and well what I'll do, so sue me Ignoring the shards I lick it all Five: From Canis Lupus to Lupus... Erythematosus nitrazepam, 100 mg (over-dosage) . . . Additional notes: Ai "Per Dolorem Ad Astra"? No tokihan. I don't believe in ghosts. I just kiss them. And this, you-who-might-think-it's-not-you, it is Six: Of Wolf and Girl Knowing how funny This is going to get I'd laugh if it was Like the first time we met I love my coffee Like I never would have loved you Fortunately my coffee Comforts eves I'd otherwise rue Confronts breeze that'd guide no skies blue I love my coffee... For I never could have loved you Unfortunately my coffee Keeps me awake and lucidly to pursue Something that shouldn't be an issue I add half sugar to the halfwolfhalfgirl Knowing how they will mix So is this anymore funny Or just aerobics I love my coffee As an excuse It surely won't be the coffee Like a tower of silence would seduce Drive love drink misuse into sky burial blues Knowing you not Knowing this I'd laugh I'd love you Like I never could have Seven: Jaa ibuprofeenia xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "This isn't necessarily enough to provide the illusion, but not much more is needed." She looked even more uncertain and somewhat uneasy, but managed to state, like only to say something: "Actually, the hmmm, adolescent section xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx". I instantly replied "Get it". As to avoid uncomfortable, awkward situation, after making sure she wouldn't get any objection, she quietly left the room. I tried to hold back my smile. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx has gotten professionals to contribute to my madness. Although it wasn't entirely new to me, I found it hard to keep my face all expressionless. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, mentioned in rather phlegmatic manner to be ready. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx pointed briefly at the place on my forehead. She straightened her arm and xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx looked straight into my eyes (seemed even to enjoy the situation in some perverse way), I looked back, but much more cautiously. Before I understood, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, shoving drugs into my system, substances they wanted in me. I felt like an underdog. For a slight, passing moment I almost considered resistance, but in the end I could but stay in place and accept what was being done to me. I let them win, but only by luring them into my mad roleplay. Everything else that came to my mind there, while she was pointing the gun at me, I dare not ponder aloud. Then it was over. The calming drug was inside me, the girl put her weapon down. To prevent her from regretting doing something xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. How so little did they know about me. I got them now and it certainly wouldn't end here. I'd be all over them soon enough. They thought me mentally ill, or just silly, and that's how I'd be the one in control sooner than they realize... ŃYH3, 1008 > Eight: No, I Only Kissed Her Clinical lycanthropy go kinaidos all unkitten Biology go cosmicism with pencil mine and bitten I kick you down and down you are, strictly under my foot Have polypropylene burn wound and noosed wolf justiced hood Opiate dust or smirnoff, does it mean we'd not do this While sober, drunk on copper only, even now remiss I would be noonday demon cat for you and haunt your den But I can never be like you again, not now, not then Catlots of pillage without knowledge - certain kind of curse You morning glory, high and blurry, seed for love gone worse Where girls like candy come in handy, proving I was right I didn't love you at first sight: for me you gave no bite For phosphor scars that glow like stars, I am for craftsmanship Anthracite grey - do hear, my prey - let this be our bad trip I glare like mist to not exist, to wear off life once ill My anti-realism can't heal this - needs more than a pill... Hydrazine rain, animal brain - disrupt me soon, wolfghost On fours all while waste missile weapon to me roast Yet firmly there, oh how unfair, you never got away I had you now, Thelema creature, and I'm just starting to play Prevue of vision not in prison, but to subsist, freed No crime as great, life as inmate, so death as candy-greed I may be xxxxxx years older than you now, but when I have been dead for xxxxxx years, so have you - we're even Nine: Like Candy I said am I repeating myself enough?! HALF SUGAR [ half wolf ] Am I raping myself enough for her? Even if she were just a minute away from me It'd take forever for me to get there For I'd just put myself drowsy and mumble of sweetology half girl [ none mine ] I'd love her like sugar And never let her melt away Like the guy who took her... Losing her dread by day half raven [ half his ] I am not sharper than him But I cannot choose I know I will never win But had I her once, I'd never lose... all ill [ all mine ] Girls like candy are pure Not out of heart, but out of line Yet would that candy finally cure This oversweet illness of mine None: Onnettomia ovat linnut lentämättä (Sama) Ten: Ghost Sickness Exploration Roughs What have I done with a devil of dust Probably nothing that I did lust What to say about a lovely twister Probably "No, I only missed her" What will I do but to slightly fiddle And fly, but just barely a little How to say to an unflinching girl that cool that "I will try to keep my heart from you" How could I not leap, for she's gently cold I'd get my blood fallen, poured into a mould Bending prevented by mulch thickness Half insomnia, half ghost sickness Given some half-light, I might remind of him Difference being, I might go into a tailspin But how could I not sickly enjoy it a little Even if for my conviction I'm but a cast-iron infidel No flavour exactly, but very wholesome filling Just some sugar to justify some half killing Some would say I'm half dead - that's wrong I'm all glide path, just not for long Yeah, I might crash because of this Embryonic deity-sweet and a precipice No doubt the dark flight would be more healthy Had I it thoroughly WOLF FREE